Barsexuality is the new black.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
