just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
