I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
