Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
