Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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