I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
