My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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