I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
