Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
