ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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