Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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