Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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