guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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