Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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