Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
