He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
