I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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