He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
