I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
