I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
