at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
