So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
