You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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