my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
