she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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