There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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