I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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