I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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