I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
