My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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