You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
