Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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