i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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