i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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