I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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