I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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