flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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