I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
