He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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