i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I will be naked everywhere
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
