My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
