Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have fence marks all over my body
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
