got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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