sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
