I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
