Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
