If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
