I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
