Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
