Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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