she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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