Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
