I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
