I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
