Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
