u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
