we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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