dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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